Infinite Dolls by Emalynne Wilder

Author:Emalynne Wilder [Wilder, Emalynne]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: literary, College, Contemporary, Young Adult, Social & Family Issues, New Adult, Death & Dying
Publisher: Wax Paper Imaginings, Emalynne Wilder
Published: 2015-06-04T04:00:00+00:00

I WASN’T ALLOWED TO KISS HER PROPERLY

20.

It was some kind of miracle Timothy never caught her sneaking out of their house. She’d show up around ten, and stay until eleven. A few nights she was braver, stayed until 11:45, and I drove her home, parked a few blocks away from her house. We were taking a chance, a big risk, but if either of us cared, you wouldn’t have known.

The reason for this risk always leaned on us helping her in order to help Truscott, but that was hard to prove on the nights we sat and talked about inconsequential things, or didn’t talk much at all. Sometimes she’d sit on my bed with her head down, and I’d just rub her shoulders, unsure of what bothered Everly, but willing to help fend it off. Other nights Everly would ask me to wash her hair in the shower. I’d turn the water on for her, and she’d climb in before me. Her back would be turned when I entered, and we’d silently spend our time like that. I’d wash her hair, then her back and arms. I’d kiss her wet, bare shoulder and she’d let me. But she never touched me. She never asked for more, or why I wanted her to be my girlfriend even though I wasn’t allowed to properly kiss her and otherwise. And my spirit was all right with this. It was content with these moments we kept as secrets. Sex was an easy thing to shrug off compared to the goodbye I knew was inevitable. So my heart was in a panic, riddled with the fear that these moments would someday soon draw to a close. But I didn’t want her to see the future I’d have without her. So I played my role as if tomorrow would never bring an ending. There would never be sadness over our lives intertwining.

Her legs draped over mine as we sat on the couch one night. She let them be seen—bruises, scars and all. She didn’t pull away as I played my fingers up and down her calf. Her head rested on one of twenty pillows Marta had on the couch. She listened to me tell her about my day, because we were having a night of inconsequential talks—at least it started that way.

“Best night working in the E.R. so far? Logan is helping two medics usher in a guy on gurney. It’s packed to the gills in the E.R. every bed is taken and because Logan never actually gets his hands dirty he has no idea what to do with the overflow. I walk up and I’m just so damn aggravated by his inadequacy I take one look at the guy on the gurney and then back at the medics and snap, “Just put the OFD against the wall and get out of here!”

“They get it, but Logan is such a damn rookie and he’s looking around like a lost child, shouting, “What the hell is an

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